Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
