Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize