it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
