I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
