You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
