Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have fence marks all over my body
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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