hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
