my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize