she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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