I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
