I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
