I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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