I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
look no pants
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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