im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
