dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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