you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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