Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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