I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
