I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
