I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
