I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
