someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
