I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
