My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize