I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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