i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
