So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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