if only i could text you this smell
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
