You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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