I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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