Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
