Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
