I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize