Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
