I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
