I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize