we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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