My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
