my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
