I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
