dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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