It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
