4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
