Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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