laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
