Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
