I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
