my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
