I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
