Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
