NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize