I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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