Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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