I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
