I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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