I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
