Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
