Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
