this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I deserve this hangover.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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