Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
