You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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