Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize