Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
