Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize