I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
