Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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