Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize