Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
