We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize