doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
