I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I touched a dick in church today
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
