I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
