i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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