i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
