And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do herpes really smell.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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