im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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