Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
