Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize