toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
