do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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