Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
