she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
