I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
