don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
