Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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