do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
