I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
