if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
