so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
