you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
