on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
