He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
