I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just invented taco cereal.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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