Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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