Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dear god my vagina.
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