Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
