Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
