the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
