My girlfriend figured out who you are.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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