I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
