I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I could fuck to npr.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
