Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize