I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
