He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
