got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
