32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
