Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
