grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
