Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
