Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize